Unstoppable Robot Ninja

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Reason #29813 Why Single-Passenger Charter Planes Should Become the Norm

On the first leg of my return flight to Boston, I find myself seated next to a dyed-in-the-wool, elderly Manhattan socialite. She’s the talkative kind, so I make certain to keep my headphones in. One has to maintain one’s Radius of Surliness, after all.

I did let my guard down—twice, when the flight attendant was handing out snacks—and she pounced:

  • I was leafing through a few Tokyo guidebooks, and she asked “Is that where you’re going?”
  • After finishing the two volumes of Persepolis I’d bought for the flight home, she asked if I was a graphic novelist.

I was sorely tempted to ask Captain Empirical if she’d made those slacks she was wearing. Because if she’s wearing clothes, she must be a tailor.

This is a blog entry posted on day 11075 in the Journal.

5 comments posted.

5 Comments

  1. beth says:

    It was probably the headphones that made her ask you this haha.

    It could be worse, once I got stuck on a red eye beside a lady who told me all about her multiple PhDs and academic accolades. Once she fell asleep she snored and farted the entire flight. I’m pretty sure she’d eaten rotten eggs before getting on the plane.

  2. Tom says:

    Ohdearrobotgod, that sounds like my stepmother. I feel for you man… Good thing you left the laser-equipped robot arm at home. I think the TSA should be more flexible about those :/

    Hey, if Hooters can have an airlines, couldn’t someone start a “STFUAir” and be just as successful? Of course, you would still have to silicone-enhanced females to make it viable. But everyone would still STFU. And stare.

  3. Shane Guymon says:

    oh man that would of been hilariouse if you would of actually asked taht question, only taht would of been only a shot straight to your head, and given her an in, where she would of potentially NEVER stopped talking.

  4. The Robot says:

    Tom: swap out the silicone for sensory-deprivation tanks, and you’ve got a brand I’d invest in.

    STFUAir needs venture capital, and I’ve got eight dollars. Let’s talk.

  5. Manhattan Socialite says:

    Ethan, dearest! I’ve missed you. How ARE your novels coming?!

This was Ethan Marcotte’s Unstoppable Robot Ninja.

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